Ring out the old, ring in the new

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light:
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out wild bells and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more;
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease;
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Excerpts from In Memoriam

Mask making

Yesterday, I went for my initial planning visit with Dr. Bollinger, my radiation oncologist. I really enjoy talking with him and came away from our session feeling confident that everything is on track. They made a mask of my face that will be used to lock my head in place during the treatments. Kind of a strange experience. Imagine laying on flat on your your back and having a warm, moist sheet of some sort of plastic is pressed down over your face to the level of the table. The plastic is initially stretched flat across a horseshoe like apparatus that literally bolts to the both the CT scanner and the radiation delivery machine. This mask then sets up solid in about five minutes and is a very close fit to your face; so snug it is hard to open and close your eyes! The mask also shrinks a bit further after they remove it from you (or you from it) so when they bolt you in place you are locked down tight with literally no wiggle room. Initially, there are no eye or mouth holes so you can only breath and see through the pin holes in the plastic. When they took me in for a CT scan (which produces the data that will be used to target my treatments) and bolted me down to the machine I did OK for the first few minutes but ended up having some kind of claustrophobia/anxiety attack. As a result, they had to unbolt me and start over. Fortunately, after some deep breathing (and nose blowing), I managed to make it through the ten-minute process on the second attempt. I am scheduled to begin my actual radiation treatments next Monday (all the dosimetry calculations are done at Roger Maris Cancer Center in Fargo and then independently recalculated here for verification). Once the first treatment is over, they assure me that they will cut eye and mouth holes in the mask. That should make the process less daunting. It sounds like the treatments themselves only last about five minutes. Depending on what the dosing calculations look like, I could end up with either three weeks at a relatively higher dosage or four weeks at a lower dosage. Apparently this has more to do with minimizing collateral damage than with the effectiveness of the treatment itself. Feeling good today. James is playing upstairs with Quincy, one of his daycare buddies. All for now. /dps

Home improvement

Must be feeling OK again since yesterday I decided to take on a long delayed home improvement project. We had a kitchen faucet knob that had a very slow leak. I thought it needed a new washer but it turned out to be a washerless faucet so there was no way to fix the the thing. I ended up picking up a whole new faucet set only to discover that our sink had apparently been salvaged from elsewhere and installed in such a way that I needed to remove the entire sink to change the faucet set! That was OK since we needed to do a counter top repair anyway -- turned out to be a bigger repair than I supected but I got it done, replaced the faucet, added shut off valves, and re-installed the sink. Looks pretty good but now I have a bit more work to do on the countertop repair. A satifying project with lots of assistance from James.

Speaking of James, we took him out to Ruttger's this afternoon for a swim. He just can't get enough of the water and has lately taken to swimming underwater in the bathtub. We thought/hoped it might tire him out enough for a nap but to no avail. Let's see, what else is new? We did managed to get our "Christmas cards" done today so they should go in the mail tomorrow.../dps

Christmas is history

For us, this has been a very strange Christmas season -- certainly memorable but also more than an a little melancholy. I suspect that from here on I will count my own Christmases in terms of before and after "Cancer Christmas." The Preece family is getting together out at Lake Marquette later today but I don't look for the mood to be especially festive with Lenore, her brother Bruce, and I in the midst of cancer treatment. Maybe more importantly, we are all really missing Lenore's dad who embodied the best of the spirit of Christmas everyday of the year. Although, he was gone already last Christmas, I think we were all still in a bit of a daze then and our fondly focused recollections of him made it feel as if he was still there with us. By now, reality has set in and it seems as though there is a release of postponed grief. It also seems very strange to not be spending time 'meditating' in the fishhouse this time of year...even yesterday's half-hearted attempt ice fishing proved futile when I couldn't find an open bait shop to buy minnows! I did win a drawing at a downtown jewelry store though...a lovely(?!?) Santa Claus cookie jar! Yaaaahoooo! All in all, I'm just glad to have this Christmas (almost) completely behind us.

Speaking of Christmas as history, late last night I got to wondering how it is that we came to celebrate Christmas on December 25th. (Some) people who are into this sort of thing place the date of Christ's birth on September 29, 5 BCE, noting that the Biblical references to the shepherds 'tending their flocks by night' rule out a December date since shepherd's in the region never keep flocks out overnight after October. In any case, what is more interesting to me is the fact that Christmas wasn't celebrated at all until late in the fourth century CE! Around 336, the Roman Church realized that it was making no inroads against the pagan festival of Saturnalia and so elected to co-opt it as the "Feast of the Nativity of the Sun of Righteousness." Eventually, Pope Julius set the official date as December 25th, corresponding to the detectable returning of the sun that marked pagan solstice festivals throughout the pre-Christian world. According to the International Dictionary of the Christian Church, the celebration was adopted in Antioch around 374, in Constantinople by 380, and in Alexandria by 430. Not surprisingly, the pagan origins of our mid-winter celebration have led some Christian fundamentalists to reject the celebration of Christmas altogether! Gotta go 'celebrate' something or other! /dps

Merry Christmas to all!

Feeling good enough on this unseasonably warm Christmas Day to head out to La Terra where I am planning to cut a couple holes in the ice to see if James and I can catch a couple perch! /dps

Grades due!

Stayed up half the night last night but did manage to get my grades completed for my two on-campus courses at BSU. Our Honors teaching team actually got things wrapped up late yesterday afternoon but I had a huge backlog of People & the Environment stuff and ended up working into the wee hours (I must admit that I did have one eye on the Packers-Raiders game for a while and -- along with anyone else who watched -- was once once again amazed by the guts and grit of Brett Favre. That performance should legitimately put the lock on his football legend status). I was up again a few hours later to check my work, to assign final grades, and to enter them before the 9 am deadline. Although it is not really fair to the students, grading a large body of work all at once is actually kind of nice since you can really put each of the individual pieces in context. I might have to try to think of someway to accomplish this same end that also allows for some constructive feedback along the way. Still have quite a ways to go for my on-line version of People & the Environment but I did get an extension through Friday so I might even make that too! It would be great to feel like me head is above water again on work and school stuff. Anyway, as a result of my all-night grade party (even when I did sleep I was dreaming in red pen!) I am feeling wiped out today and I suspect my red counts and hemoglobin levels are again falling fast. On the positive side, I took my last dose of Prednisone this morning so the chemo part of my treatment is now completely behind me!

Turns out even our house is sick -- the plumbers are here at the moment -- on top of everything else our sewer is now solidly plugged! Too many colds in the house with too much toilet paper (and Kleenex James?) going in down the drain apparently. I tried all the homeowner solutions I could think of -- from the 'snake' to high test liquid and crystal drain cleaners -- to no avail so the roto-rooter machine is running in the background as I write this and act as an unofficial project supervisor. Wait...I take that back -- I can hear the sound of draining water! Time to load up the washing machine!

I found out today that I have an appointment with Dr. Bollinger, my radiation oncologist next Monday. Sounds like the set-up part of the process will take a couple of hours and then the actual treatment could begin immediately or after a few days. Apparently I will have another CT scan which will hopefully reveal no renewed tumor growth. Because I have recently been able to "feel" the filled in area where my tonsil was removed, I have become a bit a worried that things are healing/growing too fast -- here's to hoping that the scan allays those fears. Fears are strange little beasts that seem to flit about in the shadows beneath the surface and dash out to nip you when you least expect them. For the most part, optimism has been my prevailing mood but it is always a bit tainted somehow by darker, darting 'what-if' thoughts. From talking with others who have been through this process, it sounds like such doubts often go with the terrritory but that with will and determination (and perhaps a good metaphor or two!) they can be banished. I am sure, in any case, that dwelling on those fears can only be counter-productive. Here's to the power of optimism and hope! /dps

Winter Solstice | Middle Moment

I've been hearing on the radio how today is the first day of winter but that just goes to show how completely out of phase we are with nature's cycles. With the winter solstice marking the "shortest day / longest night" in the northern hemisphere, by any commonsense reckoning today must be regarded as the middle of winter (just as the summer solstice is rightly celebrated as Mid-Summer throughout northern Europe). This year, the return of the light is especially significant for me since I feel like the darkest days of this lymphoma episode are behind me. I got a great night of sleep last night (right through the 1:04 CST solstice moment) and awoke with the knowledge that winter -- and my treatment -- are half over. I hope to start my three weeks of radiation next week and have it completed by mid-January.

How we ever got so directly out of phase with earth's cycles is a long and fascinating story that I won't detail here -- the short version of this tale rests in the overt hostility of the catholic church to pagan, earth centered rituals prevalent in Europe prior to christian expansion. You can take it from there. Anyway, once we again recognize the fundamental cosmological reality of earth's seasonal cycles, we must also recognize that even in northern Minnesota spring begins in the first week of February (as marked by Ground Hog Day, Candelmas, St. Brighid's Day, Feast Day of Brighid, Lupercalia, Tu B'Schvat, Imbolc/Oimelc, Chinese New Year -- in reverse order of historical precedence)! Although this might seem unduly optmistic, I can assure you that if you look (and listen and smell and feel and taste) for signs of spring in the first week of February you won't be disappointed. Getting back in phase with the reality of nature's cycles provides the added advantage of alerting us to those six brilliant first weeks of summer beginning in early May (as far as I am concerned, summer starts when the boat floats and winter begins when the boat comes back out after whitefish netting in early November!). Have a wondrous winter solstice! /dps

Don't forget to take your medicine...

A couple tough days following Thursday's completion of chemo...Friday Lenore stayed home from work to wait on me and then Saturday afternoon we drove a couple hours south to my parent's house for our family Christmas. My brother and his family were there as was my Grandma so it was an enjoyable afternoon and evening even though I wasn't feeling that great. James is definitely "into Christmas" this year which made things very entertaining. Grandma had nostalgia gifts for everyone drawn from decades of various collections. Unfortunately, in all the excitement and commotion I forgot to take my anti-nausea drugs before supper and ended up paying the price for that oversight. Made for a night long on hours and short on sleep. Feeling somewhat better today so hopefully I can get my grading done tomorrow (though that will be a tall task). /dps

Double dip chemo...

I went in today to start my last round of chemo and expected just to get the Rituxin with CHOP to follow tomorrow. But, the Rituxin went without a hitch so they opted to give me the CHOP as well. So...I am done with chemo! (Save five days of Prednisone and the ongoing side-effects). Anyway, having that part behind me is a big relief. I am hoping that the radiation can start a week from Monday. That way I would be finished with everything by the time spring classes start at the UM. Not much else to say tonight...feeling a little groggy and will probably head to bed early. Lenore is conducting her Middle School Orchestra concert tonight and our friend Louise (a cofounder -- along with me and five others -- of Schoolcraft Learning Community, a local K-8 charter school) is here helping out with James. Sound like they are having a good time reading books./dps

Why me day...

I've been feeling well enough the past few days to almost forget about lymphoma things but then last night as I was going to bed my bald head in the mirror suddenly rattled me again. Sort of an overwhelming "I can't believe this is really happening" sense that leaves me feeling quite shaken. I suspect this feeling is partly due to the immediacy of the next -- and hopefully last -- round of chemo (which starts bright and early tomorrow). End of semester realities always intensify everything for me in any case.

Tonight we host the final "exam" for our Freshman honors class. It takes the form of 'salon' in which students come in character (various geniuses from throughout history) and respond from their character's perspective to some specific prompts and to conversations with other characters. This year, our teaching team decided to go in character as well. I just got back from the BSU theatre department where I borrowed a powdered wig to help me 'stay in' my character, 18th century philosopher Immanuel Kant, my intellectual hero du jour. BTW the powder wig works great as far as my character goes and it has the added benefit of keeping my head warm! Kant is a great inspiration to me since he didn't make his most significant contributions until he was in his late 50s -- he was definitely kind of an odd duck though!/dps

Monday, Monday

So much to do and so little time. Finals week and grading at BSU, past due projects and looming deadlines at UM, holiday preparations...so why am I sitting here blogging on when I have nothing to report? No good reason comes immediately to mind save an interesting article on reclaiming the enlightenment sent to me by my friend Jack (now posted to the Shared Links page on my wiki site). /dps

Messes in various places

Kind of a short night last night. Caleigh had a concert and while April, Dee, and Lenore were relaxing in our basement and enjoying a glass of wine and the afterglow of a job well done we heard strange noises coming from James' room. We headed upstairs and discovered that he had thrown-up all over the bed and himself. By the time we got him cleaned up and the bed remade it was after midnight. With the epidemic of influenza fear (and, perhaps, even of the the flu itself) sweeping the country we then called the Blue Cross Helpline and that stretched the evening another half an hour so it was almost 1 am by the time we got to bed. James seems to be feeling OK today so hopefully that will be the extent of flu season on America Avenue.

Unfortunately (for me!), Lenore doesn't really handle vomit cleanup well so I got that nasty task (with no apparent ill effects at least so far). Fortunately, my white count stayed up pretty good this around time but I am still a liitle paranoid after my earlier hospital stay. This coming Thursday and Friday my own body will get 'messed up' one more time with my final round of chemotherapy. Because it is the last round I am actually looking forward to it -- eager to get it over with! -- although I am of course dreading the unavoidable side effects. We are still planning to go to Otter Tail Lake next Saturday for the Siems family Christmas so I am crossing my fingers that the relief from having the chemo behind me will be sufficient to offset effects of the poisons that will be pumped into my body -- a necessary evil I suppose.

Speaking of evil, this morning we got the news from Operation Iraqi Liberation (OIL -- aka 'Mess in Potamia')* that US Forces had captured Saddam Hussein. I suppose we must regard that that as "good news" since he clearly has a heinous history -- most of which we should remember occurred during the Reagan-Bush years while he was our designated thug in the region -- an enemy (Iraq) of my enemy (Iran) is my friend after all. At the same time, the euphoria over his capture seems more than a little delusional since the situation on the ground remains essentially unchanged. Moreover, independent news reports coming over shortwave from a variety of non-aligned countries indicate that the tide of broad public sentiment in Iraq (as well as Afghanistan) has turned against US occupation. One can't help but wonder if the capture of Saddam will only intensify the resistance since it seems clear that he wasn't in charge any way. "Hmmmm, no weapons of mass destruction, regime changed accomplished, Saddam in custody and his sons dead -- why are they still here? Could it have anything to do with our oil resources?" I am reminded of a quote from Shakti Gawain that came up in my church a few months back: "Evil is like a shadow. It has no real substance of its own, it is simply a lack of light. You cannot cause a shadow to disappear by trying to fight it, stamping on it, by railing against it, or any other form of emotional or physical resistance. In order to cause a shadow to disappear you must shine a light on it." Our current leadership is far too reluctant to shine any light on the real evil haunting the Middle East which is a willingness to treat people as means to an end -- the control of rapidly depleting global oil resources -- rather than as autonomous ends in themselves. To do this is evil whether it is done by Saddam Hussein or George Bush and his Halliburton/Big Oil cronies. /dps (* from "Name that War" by NYTimes columnist Nicholas Kristof via John Shores and my mom).

Camp Fish and other stuff

Feeling good again today...Lenore, James, and I just got back from a round of Christmas shopping at the Bemidji Woolen Mills (which was shoulder to shoulder with semi-frantic shoppers). Yesterday's recollections about Camp Fish got me thinking more seriously about trying to put together some sort of re-union so to encourage some initial communication I set up an interactive page on dannswiki. I encourage any Camp Fish folks that happen to read this to post personal updates and reactions to the reunion idea -- also pass along the URL to other former staffers. Only registered users will be able to read and post to the Camp Fish page so you will need to give yourself a username and password.

Speaking of nostalgia, I know I must be feeling much better since I am starting to regain my zeal for things political. I remain more than a bit puzzled by Al Gore's endorsement of Howard Dean. It probably assures Dean's nomination but I worry that some of Dean's most interesting New Left ideas will be diluted by the outmoded Old Left ideology of the Democratic establishment. While I will admit that the Old Left's progressive agenda and free spending social programs helped this country move away from racism and systemic economic injustice, its methods are no longer approriate and Dean's style of electronic grass roots democracy seems to be the wave of the future. Time will tell I guess. On the right side of the political fence, things are even more bizarre. Bush seems to be the hole in a doughnut of neo-conservative ideologues bent on enriching themselves at the expense of the country. Unlike the old style (paleo-?)conservatives that exemplify the careful restraint implied by the best sense of the label conservative, these folks are positively reckless. These so-called conservatives have been aptly labelled "Banana Republicans" since their record clearly indicates a willingness to enrich the few at the expense of the many and to turn the US economy into one any third world country would be proud to call its own -- roll back worker protections, environmental standards, product liability responsibilites and we too can have an economy like that of Mexico! It is interesting to see how many of these neo-con folks are direct or indirect disciples of Leo Strauss, a now deceased conservative scholar who was an ardent champion of Plato's notion that the best government is one conducted by philosopher-kings. Part of this philosophy explicitly affirms the need for leaders to be well practiced in the art of the 'noble lie' and Wolfowitz and his ilk seem to have learned this lesson all too well. One would think that paleo-cons in the tradition of the Republican party of Eisenhower must be appalled by the reckless and greedy behavior of the current neo-con leadership. The best of the Republican party resides on Main Street rather than Wall Street but unfortunately the Republican party has been hijacked by the Enrons and Halliburtons of the world. How long will Main Street Republicans and those who long for the simpler times associated with Eisenhower's America continue to be duped by these reckless idiots? I guess we will find out in November./dps

Reminiscence and the GNP?

Not much personal health news to report today. A surprise email a couple days back from David Harrington started me reminiscing about Camp Fish (circa 1980-1984) so last night I called Don Pursch to catch up on news. Don was facilities manager at the camp in the years that I was program director. Turns out quite a few old staff members stay in touch one way or another so I sense a re-union coming sometime soon (hint, hint to any that might read this!). I was saddened by Don's news that Jim Teragawa, who came from Mpls. to Walker in the early 80s to help us remodel cabins etc. and ended up staying in the area, had recently died of complications from cancer. Jim had some sort of tennis-ball size tumor removed from his neck (!!) a while back but I suspect it was a different variety than what I had. In any case, Jim's fate again reminded me of the seriousness of this disease (or set of related diseases) and the brevity of life -- it truly is a thing of beauty in its moment. Turns out Don himself also had a recent bout with skin cancer (similar to that which brother-in-law Bruce is currently battling) but it sounded like he had made a full recovery. Regrettably, skin cancer is an occupational hazard of passionate anglers and fishing guides and this will only get worse as concentrations of UV blocking ozone in the stratosphere continue to decline. I've pretty much tried to avoid being on the water within a few of hours of local noon for the past several summers and encourage other to do the same.

The statistic that one in three Americans will get some form of cancer in their lifetime is taking on too many familiar faces for me and this move from the abstract to the concrete is maddening to say the least. It is high time for economists (and the idiot politicians they have seduced) to wake up and smell their stinking assumptions. Mindless pursuit of economic growth for its own sake is threatening this wonderous planet and its amazing diversity of residents. In the simplistic minds of those champions of global capitalism, dollars spent on cancer treatment are good for the gross national product (that truly is GROSS!). Under our current system of tallying up economic activity, every dollar spent is viewed as a good thing. Such are the ridiculous assumptions of (most) economists. As, the MediaWatch Foundation puts it, "if we are to survive economists must learn to subtract!"/dps

Blood work again...

Had blood drawn again today. White counts were good this time around but RBC and hemoglobin were still on the low side. I wasn't especially surprised since even now when I am feeling almost normal most of the time, I get tired quickly with any kind of physical exertion. Nothing much else to report I guess...last day of teaching for the semester at BSU with just two final to go next week. Still behind on grading but making some progress.

Divine retribution?

As one who teaches (promotes!) such things as (atheistic?) evolutionary biology and evens lectures occasionally on topics like the natural history of the soul, I suppose it was inevitable. In the past few weeks I have been told (first and third hand) that my lymphoma is variously 1) a manifestation of God's vengeance 2) a call to return to Christianity before it is too late, and 3) just what I deserve. Such voices are thankfully rare but they are interesting. One would have to think that if any of this were "TRUE" then we might observe lower cancer rates among Christians (we don't) or at least better prospects for recovery (again, no go). What we do often see is weak but significant relationship between faith (in it matters not what!) and healing. This has been shown across cultures and religious traditions from animistic to zoroastrian (a span which you will note includes unitarian!). It seems that people of faith (of which I count myself one) have generally more robust and effective immune systems. For example, clinical studies of 'believers' have shown such things as more rapid deployment of T-cells coupled with lower baseline levels of immune system compromising stress hormones. Bottom line seems to be that believing your life has meaning and purpose is good for your health (ie., from an evolutionary perspective for the chances that your genes will be represented in subsequent generations). But enough of that...just need to vent a bit I guess.

Also wanted to again encourage folks to stop by dannswiki and have a go at collaborative writing...perhaps even start a dialogue in Random Rants about the relationship between religion and health! So far only a couple of you have braved the new world and put some thoughts down. The neat thing about the wiki environment is that it is very difficult (impossible?) to make mistakes and it is exceedingly easy to fix them! Also the process (at least in the Sandbox and Random Rants) is completely anonymous (unless you choose to identify yourself in what you write) so there is no need to be self conscious. It is truly amazing to see your words picked up an transformed by someone else...to see new meanings emerge and new questions raised. Besides, your play would aid greatly in my preparation for research work that is just around the corner. Sapere audere! -- have the courage to trust your own wisdom!/dps [Note: I think the problem with accessing the blog archive is now history.]

Dannswiki?

Over the past couple days I have been feeling almost back to normal and have been making some headway on my research 'though I still have an awfully long way to go (on top of that realization I also made the last payment on my fall UM grad school tuition today...Yikes!) Anyway, you are probably wondering what dannswiki is all about. It is not part of my anatomy and has nothing to do with cancer. Wiki (or more formally WikiWikiWeb) is a tool for doing collaborative writing on the internet. WikiWiki is Hawaiian for quick. Essentially it allows visitors to a webpage to edit and make changes drectly to that page -- no webpage experience necessary -- if you can use a word processor you can write to my page. Sound pretty chaotic? Actually, it works amazingly well and I am planning to use this approach in some upcoming classroom research later this spring. Dannswiki is my wiki website and you can visit it using the link provided. It would be a great help to me if some/many/all?!? of you would visit and go 'play' in the Sandbox. You'll find out more about what that means once you get there. I put down a couple lines about human nature to get things started -- have at those and feel free to introduce other topics as well. Wiki writing is a strangely daunting and yet liberating experience. Play with it...you won't break anything! /dps

Christmas tree

Lenore and James went into the La Terra forest today with Aunties Kathleen, Ranae, and Lamae and returned with a beautiful white spruce for our Christmas tree. I spent the morning and afternoon in good spirits but tottering around the house after somehow tweaking my back (unrelated to chemo and all of that I think). Tonight we put up and decorated our tree and videotaped James as he helped with ornaments and sang a couple Christmas songs. We couldn't wait to see the video so we immediately went down stairs to watch it. Cute points for JDS of course! Anyway, when I got up to shut off the TV my back creaked back into alignment! At the moment, I am feeling good in body, mind, and spirit. Sweet dreams.../dps

Say it with flowers...

Before the events of the past month and a half, I had a pretty cynical attitude about florists (and greeting card makers for that matter) -- it often seemed like holidays, special occasions, and even personal crises were being 'constructed' solely as Hallmark/FTD marketing tools and that purveyors of such things had been extraordinarily successful in instilling a pervasive sense of obligation. What's more, the fact that cut flowers wilted soon after delivery made me all the more skeptical. Although I still give the floral industry 'credit' for an effective if callously calculated marketing strategy, I must admit that I have developed a real appreciation for the ephemeral beauty of cut flowers. It seems like just about the time one bouquet fades away there is a knock on the door and another day-making delivery. There even seems to be a poignant rightness in the fact that the full beauty of the arrangement lasts but a few days...an apt reminder that in the big, unfolding process of life on earth, our own time lasts but a few days as well (on average just 27,375 days out of 18,250,000,000,000+). Timothy Leary (whatever else you might think of him) rightly emphasized the importance of recognizing "a thing of beauty in its moment" and suggested that that Portugese word saudade captured this notion well. I like the idea, whatever it is called. When flowers arrive I now find myself really looking at them, up close and in detail; smelling them and wondering where they originated and how they came to form. I find myself reflecting on my connections with the senders, on the trembling web woven out of crossing paths of personal histories and on the contingent and surprising course of events in our lives...in short, on things of beauty in their moments. Thank you all for the beautiful flowers and for your sustaining thoughts and prayers. Saudade! /dps

Low batteries

Not much to report...feeling pretty fatigued today but laying low gave me a chance to catch up on bills, laundry, etc. Last night I had the opportunity to make a guest presentation in Kathy Meyers' linguistics class -- some speculations on the natural history of language. I had such a good time that for a half hour or so I felt like my old self and pretty much forgot all about my health concerns. That felt good! On another positive note, two weeks from now at this time my third and final round of chemo will be history.../dps

Tired but good...

Just back from another trip to Mpls for my grad class (last one for this semester!). I had a productive trip as I got to meet with my advisor and a couple potential committee members as well. I am still behind on course work and am facing some looming administrative deadlines but all things considered everything is looking pretty manageable for my program. Planning to teach my Honors course at BSU tonight (with Pat and Marsha thankfully) and am looking forward to getting back in the classroom after missing a couple weeks...somehow teaching always recharges my system. I am feeling a little tired just now but got a great night of sleep last night and am done with the Prednisone for this round so hopefully will I have a little more energy each day for the next week or so. Also, I am starting to feel OK about my new found baldness (I did get the shave on Monday). I went out for lunch yesterday afternoon and decided to be bold and take my hat off...nobody even noticed and in fact there were several other shaved heads in the restaurant. Apparently my timing is good and this look is fashionable as well as inevitable. /dps

Days starting to drag on...

Not much to report over the weekend. My mom and dad were here Saturday and that really helped since I haven't had much energy the last couple days. Not that I feel that bad, just fatigued and starting to wonder when I'll ever feel really good again. On the positive side, knowing that I am 2/3 through the chemo really helps and I am so glad that I didn't end up with six rounds. My stylish flat-top is now all but gone so I might go in for the shave this afternoon.

I need to make at least one more trip to the U this semester so hopefully I'll be up for that tomorrow. Surprisingly, I have been able to keep making some progress on my research (prednisone fueled) so if all goes as planned I'll be able to complete my research next semester. /dps